March 22nd, 2007
|05:03 pm - Phoebe is sooo cute|
Phoebe is being bratty in the sense that she won't pose nicely for the webcam.
Today I decorated and organized my bedroom. it's hot now. Almost a love haven if you would. Not I just need someone to love in it!
I put up a shit load of pictures up in my closet. That way I can hold on to the past without seeming immature. When I want to be nostalgic I can move the clothing over and look at the pictures. No one has to see they are there but me. And perhaps John when he wants to wear the few dress clothes that he owns.
Feeling good today. We will see how we feel later however.
|12:01 am - Go tell your mother you got punched in the face|
Taking a bath at midnight sounds a little weird to me too, but the aroma therapy salt rocks really helped. I was on the verge of drunkenly crying my face off, but I didn't. Vanilla works in mysterious ways!
Today I had a hand in firing a girl. It was a new experience for me for sure, but some how I regret it. We don't have people to begin with, nevermind firing the one that a quarter of the time actually shows up for work! We could have used her that quarter. But maybe now we can find someone what actually wants to work there. Haha, not likely.
So I broke my second free phone. The first free one I lost. I should have a new nickname like, the cell phone killer or something. Or I could be asian style and be "tah shell phorne kira." because let's face it, 3 in one year is crazytown. Yah I used to watch that show on YTV. what? Oh wait, wasn't that band too?
Saturday I had a blast. I got to see Adam, make nice with Steve and eat some yummy food. Then I went to Dan's where there was a scary amount of people there but I drank lots so it didn't matter so much! I got lots of hugs, from some of the local favorites. Being Farm, Jake, Kyle, Chris, james, and maybe some chicks. The night was however clouded over by the fact that Alex was there. After not having seen him in over two weeks, all I wanted to do was get him alone so we could hang out. Wasn't going to happen. When I suggested that we leave to hang out he nearly had a heart attack and reassured me that I was crazy. I knew he thought "She is drunk and she is trying to hit on me." But really I didn't want to sleep with him! I just wanted to hang out... And maybe sleep with him a little. But I wouldn't. Needless to say, I think I really fucked it up this time. There goes my chance of getting him to pity marry me! Oh wait, I think I got to kiss his cheek at one point... Good enough for me!
If you hadn't noticed my "It's spring and I miss Alex." is in full swing. I am trying to avoid all things Alex, including avoiding where he lives, the music we used to listen to together, and even the food we used to eat together. I am hoping to create some "I love Johnny" types of memories instead. Like how we are going to Gabriola together next weekend. It is going to be hard no doubt, but maybe in a few more years I won't think of Alex every Spring/summer. No likely! Worth trying.
Current Music: Pearl Jam- Hail hail
March 15th, 2007
Last week was definitely interesting!
My new job is seemingly going well. I get paid more for doing most of the same shit that I always did and people treat me like management now. I can't say that the last part is good or bad because sometimes when they ask me to take breaks I'm like "WTF?" but on the other hand, now when they are DFing I can totally call them on it. That part I like.
On friday I went to the Landlubber to meet up with Bob. He goes away to camp so when he is in town it is always nice to see him. Tiffany and Joey were supposed to come along but when they arrived they were mortified to see Jason there. (I would be too if I were her!) So they left immediately. In any case, I got to see Chris, Mike and JAKE!!!!!!!!!!!... ok so I have seen jake but I haven't been out drinking with Jake in forever so I was sooooo stoked to see him. We went over to Mike's and then to "Brad's" Brad lived only a few minutes from my place so Bob and I left for some alone time +pizza. But really he just passed out on the couch and I ate pizza alone ;(
Haha that sounds dirty! But trust me, I am not into Bob.
Saturday I went out to the cambie with JAAAAAAAAKE, two other girls were there as well. They were pretty cool. We saw an amazing band playing but just before they ended I ditched to go hang out with Jordan (Random!) We hung out for a bit at his friend's house. (I had a previously bad experience there but this time was awesome) And somehow we decided to go back to my place for some drinks. We watched a movie and Jordan tried to hit on me but I politely declined and then we passed out. The next morning my roommates bugged me hard but I know what I didn't do so I don't care @_@ they can joke all they want.
Well I guess to make a long story short, I saw James perform at a music festival and this weekend is Adam and JAKE'S!!!!!!.. birthday. So I 'm super excited to go to both ;D And as per norm, I already have my outfit picked out.
Oh yes, I miss Johnny now. T__T
Current Mood: lonely
March 8th, 2007
|03:44 pm - Pretty fucking happy|
Well as far I know, this is week 2 in my new place. And things are going pretty well.
My roommates are awesome. They hang out with me, watch the same dumb shows I do, and don't show each other affection at all! I haven't seen them kiss or hug once, never mind having to hear them get freaky! Now one would think that this meant that they don't do these things, but Tiffany has told me otherwise. I am very happy not to have to experience another "Bucky and Simon" everyday. No complaints!
I can also say that I am EXTREMELY impressed with my puppy. She behaves so well! It's ridiculous! She is the best behaved dog in the whole world. Haha, ok so I am just really happy to be with her. She is so cute I just look at her and smile. John has been gone awhile now and I'm not sure when he will be back, but I can't say that I have really been lonely. No, I haven't been spending my time in the company of another man! I just am so obsessed with Phoebe that I can't be sad around her. I haven't really thought about him being gone.
Is that mean? I don't think it's terribly... but I just can't be bothered with sadness right now.
Well I took the tuxedo management job at Moores. I still hate it there. Now I just get paid more to hate it. I really want to go to school soon. But also, I want to go on a trip! Oh priorities!
On a side note. Alex came over the other night. I miss him a lot. Spring always makes me miss him. I'm sure if you read back to last spring you'd find that statement to be true. *sigh* I am hopeless!
Current Music: Audioslave- Hypnotize
February 23rd, 2007
February 22nd, 2007
|06:36 pm - moving = pretty fucking lame!|
Today I spent most of the day on my knees. Usually this position doesn't bother me but when I am scrubbing floors it does! Cleaning an entire apartment spotless (and I mean the "washing every nook and cranny" type of spotless too) is a lot of hard work but atleast it keeps me from thinking about things. Like the fact that my boyfriend is gone again!
Today I am also feeling a little guilty for treating someone very badly last night. Last night while Nathan and I toasted to Lost, Alex called me. Now, since removing him from my msn and losing my phone I haven't had to deal with him at all. Now that I got a new phone he keeps calling me! Of course I wasn't answering at first because I was scared that he would try and trick me into being his friend again, but after the second phone call in a matter of hours I got annoyed. So I answered and was very rude! So now I feel pretty bad about it. I was hoping I woudln't have to talk to him and if I ever did see him again we could do one of those "Oh, how have you been?"s But I doubt that now. But atleast he didn't convince me not to hate him!
Anyone want to help me move? ....;_; please?
Current Music: Radiohead- Paranoid Android
February 19th, 2007
|08:49 am - WOW! And I don't mean world of warcraft...|
Many things have been goin on lately. My stress levels are almost maxed out and normally I would think that being stressed for a couple days is not a huge deal, but Johnny is leaving for 3 weeks tomorrow and I'd rather just have one day where I am not stressed! So today I am going to just forget everything that is going on and enjoy my last day with him. Well...we will see how long that lasts!
I should start by saying RIP toaster. I bought you because Janice and I bought the same one but she took it to Duncan with her. You were inexpensive, but as far as I am concerned...you were golden. You never burnt my toast or english muffins.... and you were always looking sharp with your solid white exterior. Your home was on top of the stove for the past few weeks. And I apologize for turning on the burner underneath you... But with a flash of sparks and lots of smoke you are gone.. You will be missed Toaster.
We are moving! When we went in for our walk through we were disgusted by the condition of the place. It smelled heavily of cat urine and some unknown smell. The walls had gashes and holes everywhere. And the last tenants didn't clean shit! So of course, with our landlord living on Bowen island, he never knew of any of this. So he was quite embarrassed when we came and it was in such poor condition. So he brought in some cleaners and cleaned the carpets and was going to do some patch work on the walls but we said "No way!" to the patch work. So our roommates painted the entire house! I wish they had called and let us know that they were doing it so we could have helped. But it looks and smells fantastic now! I am very excited to move and live with my baby! (Phoebe)
ALSO it is close to where Ian lives so we can visit lots ;D
I am currently looking at some websites that will hopefully help me train my dog a little. Somehow she got this weird idea that she's the boss! Which by the sounds of it can happen very easily and I am guilty for every one of the causes! I am not tough on her at all, I pet and cuddle with her waaaaay too much, and I pretty much let her have her own way all the time... But I can't help it! She's my baby! We are going to be living with another dog and well...she needs a serious attitude check! She can be very aggressive to other dogs and she also suffers from separation anxiety. But that is a whole other story! We've got some work to do that is for sure...Oh and I haven't even started with trying to walk her...It's a nightmare!
Every time I drive out to my parents house we pass a sign that has the level of fire threat. There of four stages and I believe that they go something like this, "Low, Moderate, High,and Very High." Now during the christmas months and even as it gets a little warmer I always get alittle pissed off when I pass this thing. Because it says, "Chances of forest fire" and the arrow is on "Low". How about they make a fifth level, one that says "No fucking Chance". Because that is what it is! There is no fucking chance of a fucking forest fire you fucking idiot! Is what I want it to say... But APPARENTLY the chances are just low.. so watch out everyone there is a small chance there might be a forest fire in the middle of a snow fall!
January 29th, 2007
|10:15 pm - You stepped on life|
I don't really understand what has happened in the past months. I mean, something changed drastically and I have no idea why or what has caused it. I guess I am just being "emo" but I can't help it.
I used to have fun. I used to go out. People used to call me to invite me out. They used to call me over. They searched out my company. Now even if I call them, and seek their companionship they refuse me. Blow me off. Don't return my calls. I don't understand it. Have I changed? Do I treat people badly now? I don't get it.
I can understand that as we age life can get in the way. Work, school, relationships, all these things can get in the way. But oddly enough the ones I want to spend my time with want to spend their time with other people. Maybe we grew apart. Maybe we don't like the same things. But it doesn't feel that way. I think we still enjoy the same things.
Maybe it was my fault. As I became more comfortable with my relationship with John I wanted to spend more time with him. I was excited to go home and just hang out. I didn't want to go out to the bars as much. I didn't crave that away time. I wanted to be with him. And every now and then I would miss my friends and want to be with them. And that is when I noticed that they didn't really seem to want to see me.
Alright I will just give up now because we all know what I am really talking about. There is no reason for me to try and hide it.
I have never felt lower.
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Behind blue eyes- limp bizkit
January 13th, 2007
I am feeling much better after my near death experience. Of course I am totally exaggerating but after hardly eating or sleeping for over a week I was starting to feel, well weak. I was dizzy when I stood up and very sick to my stomach. Even the thought of food made me feel gross and yet my mom took time out of work to come and force me to have something. She brought me knock-off jello brand that oddly enough is vegetarian. And here I thought there was no such thing as gelatin-free jello but not the case. Anyway, seeing how I haven't had jello in years I was completely disgusted by it and it took me like 15 minutes to eat the stupid little cup of it. Of course if my Mom wasn't giving me the "stare down" and telling me to eat it every 2 minutes It would have taken much longer. But 2 jello cups, 2 mugs of soycream and some nasty creamed potatoes later I am feeling pretty good. So I shouldn't complain too much. Oh! Also, last night I slept for 13 hours! I feel caught up in that department too ^___^
How often does one find out that their ex now LOVES something they hated when one was dating them. And also it happened to be something that one loved and their ex always ridiculed them for it. Well my friends I feel quite ripped off and upset to say that Alex decided that he looooooooves Pearl Jam now and we even listened to it the other day. How lame is that? I mean, whoa, why couldn't you like what I liked a year ago! To be fair I like a lot of things that he does now.(example= Led Zeppelin) But he got me into them, because he made me watch it or listen to it all the time. I never made him listen to pearl jam, because like I said he always made fun of me for it! What a piss-off!
Umm ok wft...someone explain to me why my boyfriend was looking at this webpage...
Maybe he gets off on classes about bitches? Specifically old classes about old bitches. Weird.
Well another night alone whilst Johnny is off gallivanting with his "friends" and yet another night where I asked to come along and he said no. Lame.
Current Music: Daughter- Pearl Jam
January 11th, 2007
|07:31 pm - life = over|
So it's been just under a week since I first started feeling sick again. It started out as a headache and now turns out to be the worst cold I have ever had.
Now I will use a phrase that I heard from someone else and describe my couch as a "Death Bed" because I didn't move from it for three days. I sat up to use the washroom, brush my teeth, and get water. Other then that I did nothing! I tried desperately to sleep at night which has yet to happen! I can't eat, even drinking water is soooo painfull!
Here are the things I have eaten:
veggie burger(First night I wasn't feeling so bad ^___^;;)
blended fruit cup x2
1 cup of soy ice cream
1 cup of veggie soup
1 bowl of tomato soup
1/2 cup of pasta <---- I was able to eat this much because I had some drinks. Which hurt a lot I must say.
Oh, and one night when I was really pouty Johnny agreed to let me have a Blizzard. He is quite the vegan nazi!
And that is what I have eaten all week.
I AM GOING CRAZY!!!!!!!!! I love food! This whole "swollen tongue, canker sores all inside my mouth" thing is REALLY getting old. I can't handle this lack of eating... and sleeping... my two favorite things in life...and you can just forget my third!! I feel so unattractive right now that John hasn't even gotten to kiss me in days. Haha, I feel sorry for him but I just wouldn't be able to do it.
The sad thing is I still have a week left until I will feel good about myself again and he is leaving within days.... :____;
Today I saw Alex. Yes yes I know I know. But I broke down! And that small little part in me that misses him everyday is so ecstatic. He wasn't mean to me at all! I got to cuddle with Kitty and see his Mom. He even took a walk with me, which he hasn't done in so long.. I can't even remember. It just made me so happy. I made him promise to go out drinking with me when I got better. He said he would. I know it's dumb.. but I just don't feel right without him in my life. I don't think you could love a person the way I loved him and just be able to kick them cold turkey. I just need to be able to see him. To laugh with him. To hug him. I don't want to be with him, but I still care about him like crazy. I just can't help it! >;/
Well I am going to make myself something to eat and force it down because I am MFING HUNGRY. Bee-byeee